Hi, everyone. I wanted to share a really neat project you. As part of Gay Pride month, IBM asked its GLBT employees to write a letter to their younger selves. Here's mine:
Miss Stacy Graffam
Snow’s Corner Road
Orrington, ME 04474
June 2010
Dear Stacy,
You are so loved by your mother and father and three younger brothers. I know you know this, but I want to let you also know that you DESERVE this love. I know you are afraid of letting your loved ones know who you already know you are because you think they’ll stop loving you. Being a lesbian is not easy and it seems like the heaviest burden right now. I understand that you are working so hard to do all the right things and be what everyone believes a young woman should be.
Whether or not you know this, you will develop a strong intuition about what is expected and it will help you navigate a road to success. Learning how to hide your personal truth will interestingly enough, help you see the world from different perspectives and will help you understand and leverage all the diversity around you to develop strong teams to solve big problems together in a corporate world that seems worlds away from your first job picking corn, strawberries and peas at Wiswell Farm.
In Junior High School, it will be very hard to hear the jokes about Charles Howard, the young man who was killed in Downtown Bangor because he was gay. You’ll hear it constantly being told by your friends: “What do the Penobscot Indians call the bridge in Downtown Bangor?” “Chuck-a-Homo.”
You’ll understand in your core that the jokes are bigoted and racist. As a young 12-year old girl, you may not be able to articulate what “bigoted” and “racist” attitudes can manifest, but it will serve you well in your life to listen to that voice inside that tells you those things are not funny. Those jokes are hurtful and wrong and foster hate and unspeakable behaviors from some people who are steeped in ignorance and fear.
That realization you were born with and the courage you will find when you go to college will help you stand up to racism, bigotry, and sexism. You will discover that you no longer have to hide your true self and that by being authentic, you will feel more love and acceptance than you ever dreamed about. And by finding this happiness, you will become so productive and effective as a leader at IBM.
Now, it won’t be easy, and it will be hard to understand some of your loved one’s reactions when you finally do come out, but you have to remember you sat with your truth for years and it will also take them time to understand that you’re not mentally ill, just different. Eventually, they will share your joy as you build a family with your spouse, a wild and crazy Caribbean woman from Trinidad. You and she will be blessed with a little boy and a little girl who help you understand all the visceral feelings that drive parents to do and say the things that make you crazy right now.
Just believe in yourself and the talent and drive that you were blessed with. You’ll look back in your life and harbor some regret about not pursuing a life in the ministry, but you’ll also come to understand that live is full of opportunity and after you’ve had fun in corporate America, you can still achieve those dreams of becoming a professor of world religions and getting ordained.
For now, cherish the simplicity and joy of being a child and hold on to those precious memories with your family and friends. Those fond memories will become the “happy place” you retreat to momentarily when the responsibilities of adulthood are just too much. And, that adult you become will need to find the child you are now to remind her that the world is full of goodness as long as we keep our faith and believe.
With so much love and tenderness,
Stacy
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