Saturday, December 20, 2014

"Shake it Off"

It's been far too long since my last post. I can give a million excuses why, but every one of them would fall flat; especially since I am famous for mentoring others to dedicate time for their passions. Lately, I've been ignoring my own advice. It's interesting how lessons present themselves and are just as important for the teacher as for the one being taught.

I was taking Skye to school last week and Taylor Swift's song, "Shake it Off" was on the radio. Skye loves Taylor Swift and as a mom looking for positive role models for my 8-year old diva, I couldn't be happier that she loves her. But, I digress. . .

Skye was asking me what the song means, and as I broke it down for her, I realized how desperately the child in all of us needs to really listen to the lyrics. The chorus says it all, and I've added an excerpt from it here:

Taylor Swift taught us how not to sweat the small stuff.
"Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off."
-Swift, Taylor / Martin, Max / Schuster, Karl Johan.
 
As the chorus played, I told her, "The world can throw a lot of negative messages at you and sometimes it's hard not to believe them, so you have to remember the best thing to do is to be yourself and shake off the bad stuff." 
 
The look on her face was priceless. Her smile cut through the morning fog better than any coffee ever could, and helped me realize just how much those lyrics could apply to my own experience. As a child, I was afraid of people finding out I was gay. And as I stepped into adulthood and came out, that fear was gone; but at times, other insecurities present themselves. For example, I find myself easily caught up in negative experiences at work and recognize the country kid inside me is fearful that all the executives I work with will see the dirt from working at Wiswell's Farm still under my fingernails and discount my abilities. So, I know I needed to really listen to that song's message as much as Skye did. After all, that job taught me more about the importance of hard work and integrity than any other job I have held.

So, I'm going to remember to shake off the bad stuff too and continue to stay positive. It's important for Skye to see me show her what confidence and happiness looks like.  I want her to understand that very often, being happy is a conscious choice. And even though it's easy to dwell on the dark things in life, we can chase away the shadows by letting our light shine through. My little girl is able to do that better than I am, and now, I want to grow up and be just like her.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Escaping Suburbia

Every once in a while, it's nice to have a change of scenery. And boy did we enjoy the view from Maine this summer. We were back and forth quite often this year. My niece graduated from high school in June, my mother visited with us for bit and then we were back in early August to drop Hunter off at the 4-H Summer Camp at Bryant Pond. He had an unforgettable experience and Donna and I are looking forward to sending both Hunter and Skye to camp next year. We plan on having an adult vacation for the first time since we've become parents! We capped off our summer with a fantastic trip spent visiting with family and friends. It was without a doubt, the best vacation home in years.
My new Happy Place
Our weekend was spent at West Lake, Maine. It is one of the most pristine places I've enjoyed in years. Even having grown up in Maine, I haven't experienced a place like it. The smell of the pine trees and the clean water was breathtaking. The view was gorgeous and the fishing was great too; just ask Hunter, who caught a small-mouth bass. And the night sky was deeper and glittered with more stars and with such clarity, it felt like you could see the Milky Way with your naked eye.

It truly was an opportunity to escape suburbia and create a "happy place" that I can escape to, if even in my mind's eye.

Our new five year plan is to move back home. And now that Maine recognizes same-sex marriage, it's a safe place in which to retire. I know most of us think that heading to a warmer climate is the goal in retirement. Well, we've always been a little different; so our climate will be colder. However, it will only make us appreciate the summers that much more.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

"The Rev."

I've been reminded in recent conversations and Throw Back Thursday shares on facebook, that my nickname in high school was "The Rev." It was never used in a derogatory manner. The kids I hung out with referred to me as "The Rev." with affection, knowing that I aspired to be a pastor when I grew up. What they didn't know at the time was that I knew I was gay. And I mistakenly believed at the time that being gay and being a pastor were mutually exclusive.
"The Rev." age 15

Today, I know that's not true. I know many openly gay clergy and I only wish I had enough vision to have pursued my dream in high school. Knowing that everything happens for a reason, I will accept that I took a different path and must have faith that it happened for a reason. Even as a business woman working for IBM and an entrepreneur running The Situation Box, LLC, I  still aspire to be an official member of the clergy when I grow up. With life spans growing increasingly longer, I look forward to a time that I can achieve that dream deferred.

When I was chatting with a friend in Baltimore who recently made my little girl's dream of seeing Katy Perry in concert come true, the topic of religion came up. She has a strong faith, as I do, and we both shared the struggles we have had around mainstream society's position on being gay and Christian and how that translated into our own experience growing up. Both of us tried to "pray the gay away" and realized in our adulthood that we are lesbian and Christian and neither of those things will change. The only choice we had was to live authentically and openly so we could be happy and enjoy all of the blessings God has given us; including our beautiful wives.

As I look at this picture of myself taken nearly 30 years ago, I remember the idealism I held. I am still rather idealistic, but it's been tempered with the experience that only age brings. I can't say I regret my choices so far, but I can say that these recent conversations have uncovered precious memories of that young aspiring theologian. I want to revisit her ambition and achieve that dream. Now, I only need a game plan.

Like so much of my life and my success, I know that game plan will unfold in a way similar to watching a flower grow. . . you don't realize how suddenly it flowers until one day you wake up and the beauty takes your breath away. In the interim, I will continue to see "Out in Suburbia" as my ministry.

Thanks for joining me as I waxed nostalgia. . . and stay tuned as I figure out how to earn that nickname again.

Monday, March 24, 2014

" I know Mommy's crazy, but please don't ever replace her."

This morning, the house smelled like Mommy was home. This week, Donna worked on Sunday, which is the day that she normally makes a great hot breakfast for the family. So, instead, she made it for the kids today. So, the children were woken to the smell of bacon, eggs and pancakes. As she prepared the meal, true to Donna-fashion, she was being a little eccentric (a.k.a. crazy) while cooking. Her behavior always amuses Skye. They are so much alike, I think Skye takes comfort in knowing that her eccentricities are shared by at least one parent.

Inseparable
 Skye leaned over to me as she was enjoying her meal and whispered, "I know Mommy's crazy, but please don't ever replace her." It was so touching, I had to share what she said with Donna. Of course, I got permission from Skye first, and then shared the sentiment with my lovely wife. She was moved to tears and is still reflecting on it hours later.

So many moments which seem to busy grownups to go unnoticed, are being absorbed by our children and making more of an impact than we often realize. It's so nice to hear our children articulate how they feel. Skye doesn't want anything to change in her perfect world. I have no intentions of rocking the boat. After all, I finally legally married her crazy mom in December, following a nearly 14-year engagement.

It's interesting to me how children begin to pick up on the impermanence of things. They watch seasons change, their favorite t-shirts become too small, and sometimes, even family units change. Whether those changes are brought on by death, divorce, or long-term separations, they still have an impact on everyone in the family. I imagine that Skye has watched some of her friends split time between two parents who no longer live together and the impact that has on her. I also think of the terrible Newtown shootings that took away 20 children (who were Skye's age) from their families, far too soon.

It's those realities that drive home how special it is to have one another. Our children have taught me to embrace those special moments, like breakfast being cooked by a woman who can channel her inner-Muppet, and hold them in our hearts and minds like precious jewels. I'm blessed to have a beautiful family and I know they are all irreplaceable.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

"I love Mama"

I just stumbled across a love letter from my daughter. Skye loves to sneak into my office and leave little notes and today, as I was using my post-it pad during some conference calls, I found a note that simply said, "I Love Mama." The love was drawn as a heart, though. That helped me identify that it was from Skye and not from Hunter (this time).
Pure love

Many of my readers may have noticed that I haven't written much in a while, and that saddens me. I simply haven't found the time to do it, despite it bringing me much joy. I love chronicling the parenting adventures I experience and lately, because I have been spread so thin, I've noticed I haven't been open to the joy that comes in the simplest of moments. Skye's note jogged me back into a space of gratitude and awareness that I need to keep an eye on my priorities. I wonder what compelled Skye to leave the note. I'll have to ask her later, but until then, I'll just accept it and take great pride that she took the time to leave it.

Donna and I tell our children everyday that we love them. And we hear it from them everyday. I never want that to change, but I also don't want to take it for granted. True love is so rare. I believe it's the source of our divinity. I also believe it's in short supply these days.

So, I'm going to make some changes and get back into a space where I am blogging more regularly. Because I know when I am blogging, it means I'm truly staying in the moment and remain open to true love and all of the ways it manifests itself.

I know I'll have a lot to share next month. Skye and I are going to Boston to take in a Boston Red Sox game during opening weekend. She's my little BoSox fan and carries on a love for the team that was started by my grandfather nearly fifty years ago. I miss him dearly, but I know he'll be with us in spirit and I know that Skye will have even more inspiration to leave love notes when we get back. So, stay tuned folks!

Friday, January 31, 2014

"I love you, Mama. But Mommy's the funnest one of the family."

Skye really knows how to break hearts. But, she also has great taste. Today, she had to miss school for a doctor's appointment and when we were heading back home, she was thrilled when Donna agreed to spend the afternoon at the mall. Now, understand this; I don't envy Donna in that venue for one second. I HATE malls with a passion.

I know that eventually, I'll have to make friends with it, especially as Hunter is on the cusp of teenager-hood and Skye would love nothing more than to spend every waking hour at Hello Kitty, on the carousel, or in Justice. So, when those moments come, I'll dig deep and pretend to enjoy fighting my way through pimply-faced packs of teenagers and dodge all the kiosk attendants trying to get me to buy portable steamers or sign my child up for modelling. Did I mention I hate the mall?

However, what struck me today was Skye's very clear and calm way of sharing that she would rather hang out with Donna alone because she's the "funner" Mommy. And it's true. I don't have the same gift of hilarity with which my other half is gifted. My sense of humor is much more sardonic with shades of Bea Arthur and I'm rather laid back to the point of sedentary when I have a rare moment that is not tightly time-managed. So I guess I appeal more to the AARP set.
The "funnest" ones in the family

I love that Skye can express herself very clearly and I was proud of myself that the inner child inside of me didn't start kicking and screaming because Skye likes Donna more than me! I guess it's age, but I'm starting to realize that this family is more than the sum of its parts. All of us bring unique gifts to the table and we are all appreciated for those gifts. I love that Skye loves to cuddle with me and watch silly TV while I snooze through countless episodes of SpongeBob as my laundry chores cycle through the weekend.

I love that Hunter will spend time with Skye on Minecraft, showing her how to kill pigs and Zombies. She approaches that time with such zeal that I don't know whether to be concerned about shades of psychotic behavior or proudly confident that we will survive a Zombie apocalypse because of Hunter's and Skye's sharpshooter skills.

And I love that Donna can still find ways of channeling that child-like energy that makes Skye peal into squeals of uncontrollable laughter. So, I'm alright that I'm not the Funnest Mommy. And I'm certainly in agreement that Donna should wear that crown proudly.