"Mom, are you GAY?!!!

Last month, one of our fellow moms was blowing a kiss to a group of us as she was leaving, and her daughter blurted out, "Mom, are you gay?!!!!" The question was asked with horror, only the slightest bit of joking was heard in her tone. She's in fifth grade, and I'm sure that the topic of sexuality is heightened because of her pubescent stage of life. We could tell that her mother wanted to die. Donna and I were part of the group of moms that were the recipients of this goodbye kiss and because we're openly lesbian, she blurted out that question.

Clearly, homophobia is still alive and well in our community, and because it rarely shows its face while Donna and I are in a crowd, the occasions in which it does appear are startling. My emotions go in a hundred different directions when incidents like that happen. I find myself struggling with whether to excuse the outburst because she's a child or seize the opportunity to teach how affection towards someone of the same sex, if one of the people is gay, doesn't mean that the person showing the affection has suddenly qualified for a toaster oven because they've converted to "our team."

My stoic, rational wife was able to play it off and say, "You're mom's saying goodbye to a lot of her friends. It doesn't mean she's gay." There really was no conversation after she made that comment, because the child's mother couldn't get out of the uncomfortable situation she found herself in fast enough.

My reaction not nearly as mature as my wife's and as I made eye contact with another mom who witnessed the outburst and who happened to be straight, we were barely able to contain our nervous laughter as soon as the little girl and her mom left. And now, there's a punch line with that mom each time I greet her with a kiss. Wait a beat, and then one of us will ask with feigned horror, "hold on.  . . are you GAY?"

I know that I am profoundly blessed in that overall, the way in which Donna and I have lived our lives has made a positive impact on our community and allows us to be welcomed as another family in a community of people who are really tightly knit.

However, the knowledge that in other communities around the globe, that little girl's statement is a reflection of the majority's attitude toward gay people, saddens me. It's those communities that drive me to continue to publish this blog and shed light and I believe, hope, that it is possible to live authentically and safely. So, in honor of Gay Pride Month, let's all of us, GLBT and our allies, work harder than ever to drive out homophobia from our communities. I welcome my readers to comment on ways you plan to do that.