I recently returned home for my great aunt's surprise 70th birthday party. I saw family members I hadn't seen in decades, and many of those past reunions had been prompted by the sadness funerals bring. This time, it was full of laughter and tears of joy, rather than of sadness. Despite my great uncle Harold relating how I peed on his lap while singing Delta Dawn as a young toddler, it was one of the most joyous occasions I've had and I feel very blessed to have been able to attend. Although this time, I nearly peed my pants again because of my cousin Shawna's wit.
I brought my son with me for this trip and took great joy in seeing my childhood home through his eyes. It was priceless to watch him run around my parent's house with the enthusiasm he has on Christmas morning, exclaiming, "Heaven was created here!" He is so like me. We both are quiet, introspective people who tend to be too sensitive at times, but still wear our hearts on on our sleeves. We both love woods and water and our happy places generally have both features. I got to share the sweet salt air and the serene forest with him for two full glorious days. He learned the joy of searching for sea creatures in tide pools and balancing on rocks that are equal parts biting barnacle and slippery sea weed.
This time as I drove on the hilly, rustic roads of my youth, the earth seemed to embrace me, welcoming me back home with the smell of pine trees, sweet summer flowers, and that unmistakable "good clean dirt" that grows wonderful summer crops of corn. I heard the sweet sounds of song birds and the gentle hiss of water as it washed the beach and receded back to the ocean. I thought about how I spent the first 18 years of my life planning to escape this paradise and have spent so many moments since my escape yearning to go back.
I felt very conflicted as I found myself craving a more permanent experience. How could I balance the needs of my family against the reality of living in a place that is less tolerant and welcoming of same sex couples and their families? My wife has worked hard over the last 18 years to establish her stellar reputation at Queens Zoo and it's tough to translate those skills into viable employment in Maine. We've both worked hard to establish a reputation in our children's schools as caring involved parents, rather than simply being known as the "lesbian couple." Our children enjoy being part of a family with two "cool parents."
So, I realize as I write this that I already AM home, in New Jersey, where I can smell backyard barbecues in Summer, drying leaves in the Fall, baked goods in the Winter and April Showers in the Spring. Throughout the year I hear my children's laughter and my wife's lyrical Caribbean accent as she relates her days and dreams with me about our future.
When I have my roots and my happy places only hours away, how could I want to be anywhere else but here?
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