"Why does Hunter have two Moms?"

When Donna and I were planning our beautiful family, the prospect of our children being teased because they had two moms or because they didn't have a Dad crossed our mind. We talked about what we would do if and when it ever became an issue. Believe me, all the talking in the world wouldn't have prepared me for the first time it happened.

Hunter was in Kindergarten. In the mornings, the children would line up on the blacktop waiting for the bell to ring. The parents who could stay until the children walked in would mingle outside of the blacktop area and make small talk. We were about mid-way through Hunter's first semester in school and I was quite proud of the way in which we were involved with the school and the promising signs of friendship with other parents.

Suddenly, the "what if" question manifested itself and one little boy asked with a hint of malice, "Why does Hunter have two moms?" He didn't direct the question to anyone in particular. It was asked to point out to whomever was within earshot that Hunter's family was different. From his tone, it was clear he had been told that different was bad.

I was caught completely off-guard and one of the moms standing next to me quickly answered, "Because he's lucky." Her quick defense bolstered my courage, and caged my inner Mama Lion, who was ready to disembowel the child in question. I was able to quickly recover and ask the little brat (I mean boy), "Do you have two parents who love you?" He answered, "Yes." It was clear at this stage that he'd been called on the carpet, so his tone was quite different. I responded, "Then you're lucky too." Hunter smiled broadly, and walked confidently into the school.

I smiled at the woman standing next to me with gratitude and now, four years later, we are dear friends. The incident at the school taught me a lot of profound lessons.

First, the "What if Hunter gets teased about having two moms? " was a fear that stemmed from our own homophobia. We have been surrounded for longer than I've been alive with messages that homosexuality is akin to evil. As young gay men and women, we are petrified about what being gay will mean for our quality of life. We're afraid of ridicule and for our personal safety. And every year, we lose some of our dearest gay men and women to suicide, because the prospect of being gay and the disappointment they fear will come from their families and friends is more than they can live with.

Second, I learned that I don't give my friends and family enough credit. I, like so many other gay men and women, jump to the conclusion that people are more apt to avoid befriending us because of the "guilt by association" phenomena that can sometime happen. I'm very proud to have very dear friends of all sexual orientations who see Hunter's family as an extension of their own. We have come a long way and it's sometimes hard not to look at the world through the eyes of my own inner child.

Third, kids will tease each other for many different reasons. It's part of being a kid. The good news is, my family and friends have each other's backs. For that, I'm deeply grateful. I can only hope that bigotry and hate crimes of all kinds will become extinct over time, as our children grow and evolve into strong, insightful and discerning young men and women who eradicate ignorance and promote acceptance and understanding.