Auld Lang Syne

***********This piece was originally written in December 2009**********

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Auld Lang Syne

by Stacy Graffam on Saturday, December 19, 2009 at 4:25pm

I've been doing a lot of reflection lately, and the phrase Auld Lang Syne has kept playing over and over in my mind. I decided to look it up and it means, "the times gone past; the good old days."

2009 gave me a number of chances to think about times gone past. In January, I represented IBM for a panel discussion sponsored by KPMG and Johnson & Johnson. The topic was about L-Moms and how we balance our lesbian identity, being a mom and being in corporate America. It gave me a lot to think about and I still wonder at times how I juggle it all. I guess it's about trying NOT to compartmentalize everything. I think when I do that, I tend to feel too fragmented. So, if I walk though the world as mom and an IBMer who happens to be a lesbian, it feels a lot easier than trying to wear 15 hats at once.

Then, in August I enjoyed my 20th High School Reunion. What a blast that was, and a particularly poignant coming out party for me. It was great to just be Stacy, who happens to be a lesbian, too. It was great to walk into a room as a whole, authentic person and not have to walk in hiding anything or pretending to be someone I wasn't. I love how my dear old friends embraced me and were more interested in where my wife was than in the fact that I have a wife.

A year ago in December, I spent part of the month in Trinidad, celebrating my in-law's 50th Wedding Anniversary. They had an unforgettable celebration and it was so profound to see the priest who married them officiate over the renewal of their vows. Then, my lovely wife and I had our civil union on her parents actual anniversary. My wonderful mother was their to bear witness. "The State of New Jersey finally caught up with what God intended." That was my favorite thing our friend and priest, the Rev. Kathryn King, said during our wedding.

Now, I sit in my living room, with the soft glow of the Christmas tree nearby and the sweet sounds of Anne Murray's Christmas Album (big surprise, eh folks), playing in the background and I'm thinking of all of my loved ones who have gone on to Heaven.

I miss my grandfather, who was only four months shy of meeting his youngest great-grandchild, my precious little girl. I think of my sweet Aunt Marie, my grandfather's sister-in-law, who never slowed down once, not even on the day she died. She spent the earlier part of the day having dinner with her son. She was my grandmother's best friend, and I remember spending afternoons with them yardsale-ing. Boy could those ladies find a bargain! Now, they can spend their afternoons doing whatever the good Lord provides for them.

I often sense all of them and other dearly departed friends and family around me. I take great comfort in that, because it demonstrates that my faith is not unfounded and that we don't ever really leave. So, although I started writing this feeling a bit sad, I finish it filled with abundant joy. What blessings I have! What adventures are yet to unfold?

I can't wait to find out.