"Marriage isn't about the dance and the dress, Honey."

As I was helping Skye dry off after a bath this evening, I gave her a big hug and kiss and she looked into my eyes and said, "Marry me."

It was adorable, and I know the love that came from that marriage proposal was pure. And thus presented a teaching moment about different kinds of love. I told her that mothers and daughters can't marry each other. She looked very sad and asked why. I explained that people who are related to each other, can't marry each other. I told her she'd grow up someday and find the person she was meant to marry if she decided she wanted to be married.

"I want to be married!" She exclaimed passionately. I asked her why.

"Because I want to dance." Her answer had such resolve and she said it with a certainty that defied anyone to challenge it.

I told her, "Marriage isn't about the dance and the dress, Honey."

I'll explain to her what that means later, when she can better grasp the concept.

Marriage is not about the dance and the dress; although, many people do compare marriage to a dance. It is intricate, the give and the take, deciding who will lead and learning whether or not you have rhythm. Thank goodness Donna overlooked my lack of rhythm. In that regard, I perfectly represent the stereotype that white people don't have rhythm.

The dance gets very complicated over time and can become very dark, as the couple moves through the worse part, or the sick part, or the poorer part of their vows to one another. At other times, the joy of sharing a life with someone is so profound we haven't yet invented the right words to describe it, and it's those times when we're so enraptured with our loved one that keep us standing up during the dark periods.


Being part of a family has helped keep my innate depression at bay. I have periods when the dark void of depression beckons me to fall into its despair and it's only the love and responsibility I have for my family that strengthens me. Fortunately, that whisper of depression doesn't show up often and my wife and kids are the best form of anti-depressant. I completely understand how some legitimately have a need for anti-depressants (I had to take them at one point in my 20s), so don't get me wrong. More recently, I have found that a dose of Donna-Mae is the best medicine for me.

So, I thank Donna-Mae for the wonderful dance and I hope that someday as Skye better understands the kinds of love that are out there that she'll chose a partner as perfect for her as I have found for me.