What's the Hardest Thing about Being a Parent?

I've just finished watching the Today Show interview with Cheryl Kilodavis, mother, and author of "My Princess Boy." Rather than play with cars and blocks, Cheryl's five-year old son likes to dress up in pink dresses and sparkly clothes. Her self-published book, "My Princess Boy" was just picked up by Simon & Schuster, and the message it sends is about society needing to be more aware of acceptance. In the interview, Cheryl mentioned that the story was more about her journey to accepting her son, than it was his journey to acceptance.

I think her insight is incredibly powerful. Last month, a friend asked me what the hardest thing about being a parent is. I told her that for me, it's about learning how to get out of Hunter's and Skye's way so I can show them who they are, rather than trying to get them to be who I think they should be. Too often that "should" statement is a reflection of society's stereotypes. So, boys "should" be star athletes, not artists. Girls "should" be quiet, demure princesses, not outspoken thought leaders. Bottom line, we need to accept who our children are and learn how to help them find their place in the world.

Parents do not get a handbook accompanying their newborn infant, telling us what his or her make and model is and how often we need to change their diapers, what their favorite foods are, and how to best handle those sticky moments when feelings are hurt and hearts break for the first time. Despite every child expert's best efforts at penning "What To Expect" reference books, at the end of the day, every child is unique. That unique part of anyone is the essence of who they are. I believe that essence is their spirit. And people's spirits are sacred and should never be damaged. Rather, we should look nurture that spirit and help them write their own stories.

Parenting is the greatest blessing and hardest job I've ever experienced. Part of what makes my experience unique is that I'm a gay parent. That dynamic comes with its own host of challenges, but again, all I want from my community is acceptance. And sometimes, that takes a lot of personal work. When I had Skye, it uncovered a lot of personal stuff I hadn't dealt with and ironically enough, it had very little to do with my lesbianism. For me, Skye held up a mirror in front of me that I couldn't escape. Through the help of a very good therapist and the love and support of my beautiful wife, I was able to accept who I was and what I needed to be the best person I can be. I learned to accept myself.

That self-acceptance has made the challenge of accepting who my children are in their own merits that much easier. And what a gift that awareness has proven to be. I learn as much from my children as they learn from me. I have learned that along with being witty and handsome, Hunter is one of the wisest souls I've had the honor of knowing. He has an uncanny way of simplifying complicated situations by focusing on what's really important.  I have also learned that along with her remarkable memory and passion for fashion, Skye's single-minded determination and hunger for knowledge will quite possibly change our world (and I have faith it will be a positive change).

So, thanks to Cheryl Kilodavis, for reminding me about the importance of acceptance and how pivotal it is to self-awareness and joy.