"Because I want my kids to be lucky."

Lately, Skye has been dreaming about her future family. She'll appear suddenly in my office as I'm working, or in the kitchen as we're preparing a meal with names for each of her children and her wife. Yes, she's claiming she'll have a wife when she grows up. I was curious about this decision for a number of reasons.

First, I have known since I was about seven years old that I liked girls better than I liked boys. But, when I was growing up, I knew enough not to admit that out loud to anyone. I saw that all the couples in my life were heterosexual, although I never labeled them as such. In my world, people had a Mom and a Dad. End of story. Even single-parent families were rare in my experience as a child.

Second, my own gender stereotypes drive me to assume that a pastel-color loving, fashionista femme-fatale like my little six-year old Skye would be planning the wedding of the century to some tall, dark handsome man. I often joke with Donna that Skye and Hunter are "straight" as arrows.

So, when Skye mentioned her wife again over the weekend, I asked her as neutrally as possible, "Honey, are you sure you want a wife instead of a husband?" 

Her response was definite, "Oh, I am SOOO sure, Mama; because I want my kids to be lucky."

It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. What an amazing response. It reflects so much positive attitude about her experience with two moms and the supportive and progressive community in which she's growing up. I could hear the words of teachers and friends who answer the questions her friends may have about why she has two moms with the wonderful response, "Because she's lucky." I could feel the love she's experienced from Donna and myself and how its led her to believe that when she grows up, she expects she'll have a wife so her children can be lucky too.

Skye wants her children to be lucky too

And then, I started thinking. What if Skye winds up having to "come out" to us later in life that she's fallen in love with a man? It would be the reverse of the conversation both Donna and I had with our parents. And the fear that both of us felt in letting our families down because of who we loved was paralyzing. I think Donna must of thought the same thing, because we sat with Skye at the kitchen table yesterday and told her, "Honey if you grow up and decide you want a husband instead, that's okay, too, you know."


Her response, "Okay, Mommy, but I want to be like you and Mama when I grow up." How can you not love that answer?! We're living in one of New Jersey's 100 Best Communities for Young People (presented by ING), and I believe the expansive diversity is one of the reasons for that honor.

Our daughter's opportunities have so many more possibilities than those Donna and I dreamed of as a child. I'm proud of how far we have come in our definitions of family and I'm proud that Donna and I have been such good role models for Skye that she would consider herself lucky to be like us.

"Are you going to be arrested?"

I went to bed last night with the comfort that President Obama would have my back for the next four years. It was a hard fought victory and a clear win for our President. Running a country is not an easy task. People differed on many aspects of our country's challenges. I believe we need to make sure we act like grownups and avoid rubbing our victory in the noses of our neighbors who differ from our ideology.

One area where I will not back down however, is on the issue of gay marriage. I'm very proud of my home state of Maine, where the populace voted for gay marriage. BUT, the thought that it is even a referendum issue makes my skin crawl. I will never forget the day last month when my son came home anxious about whether Governor Romney would win and what it would mean for his family. He learned that Romney was against gay marriage, so in his mind, if he was elected, his moms would be at risk of being thrown in jail because we are gay. Hunter asked, "If Romney wins, will you be arrested?" We assured him that wouldn't happen.

Hunter prayed we would not be torn apart

Sadly, his fears would be very real in other parts of the world. Donna and I could be thrown in jail or worse yet, killed, for our orientation. So, even though I hate the fact that my love for my wife and my commitment to her is easily placed on some states election ballots, we still live in a country where hate crimes are not tolerated.

There were so many other issues at stake during this election and I believe President Obama will be able to offer parity to so many of us who are middle class citizens trying to maintain access to affordable health care, more of our pay, and keep more of our jobs in this country. I think he understands the struggles of the middle class and those aspiring to the middle class. And for me and my family, I think he understands that gay rights are civil rights and it's time we we granted the same rights our heterosexual peers enjoy.

I never want my son or daughter to come home fearful that their family will be torn apart because someone doesn't believe we have the same right to love and protect our family as they enjoy. I think it's an important message to drive home. Let's stop codifying discrimination into the fabric of our country. Let's stop allowing our children to think that one person is better than another because "God said so."

Let's remember what our forefathers dreamed of when they founded this country, demanding "liberty and justice for ALL." Believing and working toward that vision will not strip straight citizens of their civil liberties, it will simply allow my family to feel just as valued as anyone else. And I have faith that we'll all be stronger for it when that day finally comes.