"Dear Mrs. and Mrs. Graffam"

The school year is winding down and we're in the midst of paging in and out of work responsibilities and school events that mark our children's milestones. One of the annual events at our children's elementary school is the Parent Appreciation Breakfast. It's an event to honor the parents that are actively involved in the school. I'm proud to say that we've been invited nearly every year since Hunter's been in kindergarten. He's going into Middle School in the Fall.

Yesterday, Hunter ran out to pass me this year's invitation and the card was addressed, "Dear Mrs. and Mrs. Graffam." It made me so proud of my family and of Jefferson Elementary School. The first week of kindergarten for Hunter set the tone for our experience. It was then that one of the parents overheard another student in Hunter's class ask very conspicuously why he had two moms. I was speechless as I collected my wits and tried to answer in a manner that wouldn't make Hunter a social outcast for the balance of his elementary school career. The other mother, who has since become a dear friend, answered him by saying, "Because he's lucky."

Mrs. and Mrs. Graffam

I was so relieved. I remember watching Hunter stand a lot taller in that moment, excited that someone else outside his world felt compelled to defend him. I recovered by asking the little boy if he had two parents, and he said yes. I told him, "Then you're lucky, too." From that moment, we lived authentically, not outrageously, and people responded to us as they did any other actively involved parents. And so, it was not a surprise, rather an affirmation, when I opened that invitation yesterday and saw the salutation, "Mrs. and Mrs. Graffam."

Oh, if only the State of New Jersey would and other states in this great nation would catch up with the thinking in Bergenfield, NJ. I have faith that eventually, and hopefully before our children are adults, we will be able to marry in the State of New Jersey. For now, I take comfort in knowing that this union is what God intended for us and we simply have to wait for the State to catch up. Civil Unions take us only so far. We need equal rights, not special rights. The following facts are summarized quite simply:

Besides the emotional component of simply being "married," there are quite a few legal differences between a civil union and a civil marriage, primarily that civil unions are only recognized in the state in which they are performed, while marriages are recognized in all 50 states. Because civil unions are recognized only in the state performed, civil unions do not get any federal protections. Moreover, if a same-sex couple were recognized in a civil union in Vermont, they would not be recognized in Texas, while a marriage in one state is recognized in all states.

 

Also, with a civil union, if the couple wants it dissolved, they must get it dissolved in the state it was conducted. For instance, in Vermont, civil unions can only be dissolved in Vermont and one of the partners must have been a resident of the state to get it dissolved. On the other hand, a married couple can get a divorce in any of the fifty states.

 

Moreover, civil unions - because they are not recognized by the federal government - do not gain any of the tax breaks that married couples get, such as the ability to file their taxes jointly. In all, there are over 1,000 benefits and protections afforded to married couples by the federal government that civil unions do not get.

--Reprinted from freeuslaw.com

So, I will wait, rather impatiently, and see how long it will take for this great nation to realize that we should also to be able to join together in marriage, and enjoy the rights and responsibilities every other married couple is afforded. I have to wonder why so many politicians and lobbyists and religious zealots find that concept so threatening. After all, I just want to make an honest woman out of my wife.