Wednesday, December 14, 2011

"Marriage isn't about the dance and the dress, Honey."

As I was helping Skye dry off after a bath this evening, I gave her a big hug and kiss and she looked into my eyes and said, "Marry me."

It was adorable, and I know the love that came from that marriage proposal was pure. And thus presented a teaching moment about different kinds of love. I told her that mothers and daughters can't marry each other. She looked very sad and asked why. I explained that people who are related to each other, can't marry each other. I told her she'd grow up someday and find the person she was meant to marry if she decided she wanted to be married.

"I want to be married!" She exclaimed passionately. I asked her why.

"Because I want to dance." Her answer had such resolve and she said it with a certainty that defied anyone to challenge it.

I told her, "Marriage isn't about the dance and the dress, Honey."

I'll explain to her what that means later, when she can better grasp the concept.

Marriage is not about the dance and the dress; although, many people do compare marriage to a dance. It is intricate, the give and the take, deciding who will lead and learning whether or not you have rhythm. Thank goodness Donna overlooked my lack of rhythm. In that regard, I perfectly represent the stereotype that white people don't have rhythm.

The dance gets very complicated over time and can become very dark, as the couple moves through the worse part, or the sick part, or the poorer part of their vows to one another. At other times, the joy of sharing a life with someone is so profound we haven't yet invented the right words to describe it, and it's those times when we're so enraptured with our loved one that keep us standing up during the dark periods.


Being part of a family has helped keep my innate depression at bay. I have periods when the dark void of depression beckons me to fall into its despair and it's only the love and responsibility I have for my family that strengthens me. Fortunately, that whisper of depression doesn't show up often and my wife and kids are the best form of anti-depressant. I completely understand how some legitimately have a need for anti-depressants (I had to take them at one point in my 20s), so don't get me wrong. More recently, I have found that a dose of Donna-Mae is the best medicine for me.

So, I thank Donna-Mae for the wonderful dance and I hope that someday as Skye better understands the kinds of love that are out there that she'll chose a partner as perfect for her as I have found for me.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Happy Birthday to Jesus

Christmas is a magical time of the year for most people, especially children. For our children, we decided to start a new tradition to drive home the real meaning of Christmas. So, to help Hunter and Skye understand that the holiday is more than how many cool presents they will receive and is really about renewed hope and love, we decided to have a birthday party for Jesus on Christmas.

Skye is particularly excited about this and is convinced that Jesus must also be five years old. For simplicity's sake, I'm not going to explain that He's part of a Trinity that has been here forever. So, I'll let her imagine that Jesus is turning five.

As a Christian, and now as a parent, I wonder what Jesus' childhood was like. We don't know a lot, except for the Gospel telling us of His birth and about His teaching the Rabbis in the temple when He was twelve years old. The next time we meet Him, He's thirty years old and starting His ministry, which lasted a brief three years until His crucifixion. 

I wonder what kind of child He was. What did Mary and Joseph witness as he grew up with his brothers in Jerusalem? Did He squabble with them as children are prone to do? Was He introspective, or outgoing? Was he athletic or artistic? As a young man learning his earthly father's carpentry skills, he was an artisan. When I think about it now, I don't doubt that He was any less precious than our own children are. As a matter of fact, I think part of the appeal of Jesus' life being so mysterious is that it allows us to relate more to Him, because who's to say He didn't feel the same things we do? I'm convinced He did.

For years as I was growing up, I thought that my sexual orientation negated having a relationship with Jesus. That became my cross to bear and for years it ate at me like a cancer. We learn as Christians that all of us are born sinners. It never made sense to me that a child could have sinned. As I grew more aware of my orientation, I began to believe that my sin was my sexual orientation.

I think that's why O Holy Night is my favorite Christmas song. I've always found great inspiration in these profound lyrics, "Long lay the world, in sin and error pining, 'til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.  A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn."

Through the grace of God, I know that my divinity is as priceless as any other person's. I believe that divinity is inherent in being human. All of us are divine creatures, regardless of our chosen faith. So, as my family celebrates Christmas, and we blow out the candles on Jesus' cake, we will say a prayer that the hope and faith we carry with us as we move through the world makes a positive difference in other people's lives.