Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Lord Have Mercy

As I sit here reflecting on Christmas, the true meaning of Christmas, I'm humbled by all the blessings that I have in my life. My children are healthy and happy, my wife is steadfast and loyal and deals with my hormonal mood swings. Right now, I'm having a doosy of a mood that has amplified all of my insecurities and fears. She has handled it with humor and grace. I really do wonder how she deals with those moments and I'm grateful that she does.

I force myself to focus on my blessings when those bouts of insecurity creep into my psyche.

One of my most cherished blessings is our church home, St. Mark's Episcopal Church in Teaneck, NJ. It's a reflection of what I hope Heaven looks like. It's an inclusive parish and it's incredibly diverse in age, marital status, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, geographic roots and religious background. Part of it's mission statement is that "We are believers and skeptics at the same time." I love that part of our mission statement because it points to how dynamic our faith must be. At a time when we are surrounded by commercialism and fear and hate;  as Christians, we must suspend our grasp on "reality" as we celebrate Christ's birth through the Virgin Mary, death, and resurrection.

Although both of our children have been baptized at St. Mark's, our attendance has been spotty over the past nine years. We looked for a church home when we were expecting Hunter. We attended several Episcopal churches in our area and settled on St. Mark's because it just felt right. In contrast, one of the parishes we had visited with our infant son left an indelible memory. One of the members approached us and asked us who Hunter's mother was. I answered, "We both are." He kept digging, with this dogged determination to know who gave birth to Hunter. We refused to answer his prying questions and decided that we would never return to that parish.

Since Skye is older now and more manageable in church, she and I have attended much more regularly and it's one of her favorite things to do. I take great pride and comfort in the joy she shows when she knows it's Sunday morning and we'll be going to church. When she's at church, one of her favorite parts is the responsive prayer in which the parish responds to each line of prayer with "Lord Have Mercy." Skye's response is a beat behind the rest of the parish, as she loudly repeats, "Lord Have Mercy." I love the soft chuckles that echo throughout the church. The church is open and accepting and I love how I feel when I'm there.

I hope that Skye always approaches her faith with that unbridled enthusiasm. It's contagious and it's something I have to thank her for, as she's reawakened my own faith.

So, as we celebrate Christ's birth this month, I thank God that He's always present and standing with open arms for those of us who unknowingly walk away from that source of strength. I believe that faith fuels our humanity and allows us to deal with the atrocities that hurt our families and our communities. In my favorite Christmas song, O Holy Night, the line that resonates for me most is "Long lay the world in sin and error pining, till He appeared and the soul felt its worth."

My soul does feel worthy and I'm so glad that the Lord has had mercy on me and allows me to serve as an instrument of His work. I pray that this blog continues to touch people's lives and give hope to other GLBT people. Don't have to be ashamed of who you are and remember that you are worthy of living an authentic, fulfilling and happy life.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

No comments:

Post a Comment